,Fitness is a journey not a destination! My challengers hear me say this ALL the time! It's easy to think that fit people have it all together, but fitness fluctuates as much as your meals and schedules fluctuate. Life changes, busy schedules, travel, stress and a million other things affect our routines. We constantly have to reevaluate our goals and how we are going to reach them.
The last few months have been a struggle for me. We moved across the country away from our families, which was much harder emotionally than I thought it would be. We no longer had help with our children and very few friends in the area. I was struggling with emotional and physical fatigue and motivation was scarce. I was doing my work outs and sticking to my nutrition plan ( only because my accountability group was watching!) but I was STRUGGLING in ways I haven't struggled since before I started this lifestyle change.
Food addictions, that I thought were a thing of the past, resurfaced and I felt distracted trying to fight my cravings. It was discouraging! But I learned something new about my journey. It's new everyday! I haven't arrived. I will always have to push myself outside my comfort zone. That's how we grow!
I had gotten complacent. I was working out everyday but really only to cross it off my list. I had lost my excitement about what I was doing. I wasn't looking for signs of growth or progress. My weight was healthy and stable, I was eating fairly well and I just got sloppy. The sloppier I was being, the less motivated I felt. I wasn't pressing for one more rep or getting uncomfortable by upping my weights. I started comparing myself to my before picture instead of trying to grow into my best self. I was settling for " good enough" and that's not very motivating! I had stalled in my fitness journey and in my life.
I needed to stop cutting corners and make my workouts count! I needed to stop checking my phone mid workout. I needed to push to do more reps than I did the day before. I needed to change my perspective.
So, I made some changes! I started leaving my phone in another room when I was working out. I enforced it was MY time by refusing interruptions from my children ( with the exceptions of emergencies of course!) I pushed myself to do as many reps as I could and not just what was comfortable and I started tracking my food intake faithfully. It's amazing how it's either an upward or downward spiral!
Pushing myself in my workouts made me want to eat good food so that I could see the results of my efforts and, on the other hand, sticking to my meal plan made me feel excited to do my workouts! In my weaker moments, I noticed that a bad meal choice made me want to work out LESS and skipping my workout led to poor food decisions the next day. Getting in the healthy upward spiral made the lifestyle easier to maintain than it was when I was cheating and skimping!
Pushing myself outside my comfort zone and focusing on continued growth has put the joy back into the process! So, if you aren't feeling motivated, ask yourself: Am I sticking to my comfort zone? Am I taking the easy way out? Is it time to bump up my weights? Do I still need to use the modifer? Am I tracking my containers each day? Am I recording my cheats? Am I giving into emotional eating? Am I making excuses for myself? Do I have a vision for who I want to be? Am I seeing my internal transformation as important as my external transformation?
It's when you push yourself outside your comfort zone that you see transformation inside and out! You can't be motivated in your comfort zone! Each day you have to give it your all, you have to do your BEST, you have to take the cards you got dealt that day and played the HELL out of them! That doesn't mean perfection, just that you gave it your ALL!
If you have been in a cycle of falling in and out of being motivated, losing a few pounds or building some muscle, only to lose all your progress when motivation wanes, I challenge you to join us this month! Our accountability group is going to be focusing on pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone and falling in love with living wholeheartedly in line with our goals! We will also be diving into Chalene Johnson's 30 Push!
If you claim your spot by tomorrow, I am going to send you the book as a gift, because I want you to be on FIRE with motivation! I want this to be the last time you start over! Even through this season of struggle, I never gave up! I figured it out, I kept pressing forward and I learned more about myself and fell back in love with the process! You can too! Join us!
Since I have made my parenting journey with Juliet public, I've had a lot of moms asking me how I handle tantrums! ( Things you never think will be your problem! ha!) I spent some time thinking about what we have learned the last 4 years and what worked for us and wrote them out to share with those who asked. So here they are! I hope that they serve you and I'm praying for you! I pray that these words will be met with supernatural comfort and peace for your circumstances. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, outnumbered, and out of control, but these little emotional blessings we call children are teaching us as much as we are teaching them! Letting go of perfectionism and being willing to be real and messy and honest is liberating! There is no way to be a perfect parent and a million ways to be a good one!
Having a difficult child is well...difficult! We have ideas about what having children will be like, right? I don't think any of us dream of being the parent in the grocery story with a screaming toddler, but anyone with children has experienced at least ONE of these embarrassing moments! However, some of us get blessed with a child that throws them REGULARLY. It's not a moment or a bad day, it's life!
My oldest Scarlett was a dream baby. She slept through the night from 4 months on, she napped three hours everyday, she was happy! 19 months later Juliet joined us and we got a crash course in sibling differences. Juliet was born screaming and she never stopped. I was up every 90 minutes dealing with an enraged baby until she was almost 2. (She's 4 now and still doesn't sleep through the night.) She was either barely tolerating life or ANGRY. It was exhausting! Running errands was like stepping through a mine field. I never knew what would set her off or how the trip would go. I would be so tense waiting for her to break down that, even on the days she didn't, I would feel emotionally exhausted.
It's so hard but walking through the process has taught me a lot and I want to share some key points with you!
1. How your child behaves is not a reflection of YOU. A child throwing a tantrum is an individual making choices. As parents, our job is to direct them and to give them the tools to cope with their emotions. Understanding this helps to view those moments as teaching moments instead of becoming angry or frustrated with them for embarrassing us. At first, I struggled with other peoples judgements but once I decided I was training my child wherever I was and stopped looking at other peoples expressions, it enabled me to focus on what my child needed from me and helped me to have patience with her. Which leads me to point two:
2. Stay calm and speak quietly. When your child's emotions are out of control, they need stability. They need the example of how to remain calm when things aren't going their way. They need to feel loved and accepted even when they aren't behaving. Not every day is the same. I've had days where my screaming child will let me hold her, days where she runs away and I have to carry her kicking and screaming, days I have let her cry through the store in cart, and days I have had to give my full grocery cart to a store employee apologetically. And sometimes those decisions are driven by how well I am keeping MY cool! Staying calm and speaking quietly ( in their ear if need be) makes them calm down and stop to listen. It may take a few minutes but continue speaking to them. I often ask her questions too. This morning she actually broke down at a donut shop because she asked for a certain donut( repeatedly and rudely) and changed her mind but it was too late and people were lining up behind us. As I spoke quietly in her ear about her choices, I asked her if she saw the line of people. She looked up and saw the line of people. Then, I asked her if she understood that we couldn't understand her when she was screaming. When she acknowledged that, I asked her to tell me what was wrong and we began a conversation. It takes a long time in the beginning so don't get discouraged, but it'd definitely worth the time invested!
3. Listen. Often, children that have a hard time communicating are spoken over. We try to guess what they mean, we interrupt them, and fail to have patience for them finding the words to explain. Slowing down and allowing them to walk through it is helpful because it encourages them to keep trying. They feel heard. It''s painfully slow sometimes and it takes a conscious effort to allow them to grow in this area but the more effective they get at communicating, the less the emotions will rule the day!
4. Key Words. Most children that struggle with tantrums are children that struggle to articulate. They don't know how to communicate what they are feeling and so they jump straight to sadness or anger. As they learn to speak, giving them the exact words to say for recurring scenarios gives them tools to cope. In our home, "No, thank you" are safe words. If my daughters don't care for something happening to them they can say it and we stop IMMEDIATELY. They know we will protect their personal space and opinions and that has helped to reduce the amount of lashing out that happens. It was a slow process! We had to repeat it to Juliet every time she got angry about a situation and then she gradually would say it angrily and then eventually learned to communicate before getting angry. As she grew older, we got very specific with how to communicate in other situations in which she would struggle and she has grown dramatically in her ability to articulate her feelings and desires.
5. Never reward the tantrum. It's easy to give in. We just want peace. We just want to make it through the check out lane without creating a spectacle but rewarding a tantrum with the object of their desire ONLY reinforces that throwing the tantrum is affective. It's hard to deal with a screaming child but once they know they won't get want they want, they start looking for other methods. At the donut store today, we did NOT go back to get her the donut she wanted. She needed to walk through her decisions and own the outcome. Though to be honest, if she had calmly asked us for another donut we would have purchased one to reward the good behavior.
6. Reward good behavior IMMEDIATELY. It's also easy to treat good behavior as "normal" and expected but lavishing praise for good behavior and recognizing them when they make things pleasant will encourage them to make things pleasant more often! We don't often buy treats for good behavior though because that quickly becomes the reason they behave and then good behavior is contingent on a purchase or sweets. We want them owning their behavior and being proud of themselves not doing it to get something.
7. Consequences. Punishments are sometime in order but each child is different. Getting to their heart and having them feel the consequences of their actions is important. For some, this mine mean loss of tv time, putting them in their room alone until they calm down, taking a favorite toy away, canceling a family outing, or whatever makes them regret their choices and respect others. Juliet often needs time to herself to calm down. We don't allow her to scream and cry anywhere but her room unless she is willing to be held and comforted. Often, after a few minutes, she comes down calm and ready to discuss what happened. We have stricter consequences for violence or dangerous disobedience but generally speaking helping her calm down gives us the opportunity to have a helpful discussion where she understands and accepts the punishment for her behavior. As a side note, she has items that comfort her, specifically a baby blanket. I think it's important that those things are not taken away from a child suffering with emotional outbursts. They are already having a hard time coping and often those items help ground them. We have discovered that Juliet needs a LOT of comforting. She needs to feel secure and her ratty baby blanket has proven to be a huge help in giving her security. Often after an outburst where she refuses our open arms, she calms down and runs to us for "snuggles" with her blanket. Setting boundaries and enforcing them with grace provides her with security.
8. Be aware of YOUR words and tone of voice. Shame is something we can pile on our children in what we say or simply how we say it. I have seen the look on my daughters face when I have a bad reaction to her spilling her drink on the floor. Just the way I said her name and responded communicated to her that SHE was bad. It affected me. I vowed to do my best to leave shaming out of my parenting tool belt. Even a child throwing a temper tantrum doesn't ned to be shamed. They need to be taught and loved. Shame leads us to believe that our worth is tied up with our behavior and that is simply not true. Creating an environment where they feel comfortable making mistakes, failing, and learning is what they need to grow into the best versions of themselves!
9. Say Yes when you can. It's easy to say no for our own convenience. We don't feel like going to the park, or playing a game, or helping them with a craft, but I have found that since my kids know that I say yes when I can that they accept no much more readily. If they feel like the answer is always no they are going to be more likely to fight for what they want.
10. Have Grace. For your child and YOU. I know that Juliet is much less able to control her emotions when she is tired even though I have trained her. I try to be more aware in those moments of what I am expecting of her. Sometimes its better NOT to require them to have their room immaculate before bed, or let them watch a show while you're making dinner, or forget about the laundry and just snuggle them because they need the emotional security. Slow down and look for what is truly priority in this moment. The work will always be there. As moms, we have a full plate! It''s important to tie your worth to how much you get done or how well your children are behaving. Each day simply be consistent with your children and doing the best you can is enough. And it's ok to admit that sometimes surviving is the best you can do!
I often wished my daughters came with an owners manual, but since I've let go of trying to be a perfect parent with perfect children, I've been able to stand in amazement as I watch them grow and as I watch myself grow! I find myself feeling more and more excited about who these amazing young ladies grow up to be and I feel honored that I get to be their mother! We can't make them into the people we WANT them to be but we can help direct them and encourage them into the best version of who they ARE and watching that happen is absolutely the most amazing experience I have ever had! If I can leave you with any encouragement, it would be this: You are doing so much better than you think you are! Be patient with them and patient with yourself!
This was a home run tonight! Super easy and delicious! You know I hate to cook and this one was a breeze and was restaurant quality!
Mac and Cheese is one of my ALL time favorites! SO I fell in love with this recipe right away! It's delicious and I don't even miss the old unhealthy version! Try it! Let me know what you think!
4 oz. dry whole wheat elbow macaroni (or pasta)
4 tsp. organic grass-fed butter (or organic coconut oil)
2 Tbsp. unbleached whole wheat flour
1½ cups unsweetened almond milk
1¼ cups freshly grated extra-sharp cheddar cheese
3 cups cooked chopped chicken breast, boneless, skinless
6 cups chopped broccoli florets, steamed
1 tsp. sea salt (or Himalayan salt)
½ tsp. ground black pepper
1. Cook macaroni according to package directions. (Do not use salt or oil if suggested in directions.) Set aside.
2. Melt butter in large saucepan over medium heat.
3. Add flour; cook, whisking constantly, for 1 minute, or until brown (don’t let it burn).
4. Slowly whisk in almond milk; cook, whisking constantly, for 1 to 2 minutes, or until mixture thickens and there are no lumps.
5. Reduce heat to low. Add cheese; cook, whisking constantly, for 2 to 3 minutes, or until melted.
6. Add macaroni, chicken, broccoli, salt, and pepper; cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute, or until heated through.
7. Serve immediately.
Tips and Variations:
• Use quinoa pasta and gluten-free flour if you’re following a gluten-free lifestyle.
• Asparagus, green beans or Brussels sprouts can be substituted for broccoli.
• A combination of cheeses like cheddar and Gouda, cheddar and Monterey jack, and cheddar and Asiago can be substituted for sharp cheddar.
This has become a staple in our house! So full of flavor and simple to make! I hope you enjoy it as much as we do! I swap out the wine for vegetable broth because I like a few tortilla chips with mine but to each their own! #chooseyourcarbswisely
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Total Fat: 8 g
Saturated Fat: 2 g
Cholesterol: 56 mg
Sodium: 575 mg
Carbohydrates: 26 g
Fiber: 8 g
Sugars: 8 g
Protein: 21 g
Yesterday we said farewell to another amazing woman. I feel so grateful to have lived in this age where we, as woman, are free to take action. Even this week as woman around the world marched, no matter your opinion on it, you were free to have it.
There is so much more I want for women, especially my daughters, I want them to know freedom and growth like no generation has ever seen! But I realize that part of that is going to be my example. Do they see me pushing myself outside my comfort zone? Do they see me being a leader? Do they see me taking risks, making mistakes, and then dusting myself of to try again? Do they see me embracing failure and growing in strength and courage? Do they see me loving fiercely and refusing hate of any kind? Do they see me being relentless when it comes to changing the world for the better?
The change starts here in my living room, teaching them through my example to see their worth and push past their fear to do great things. Ladies, it doesn't matter if others see our worth once WE do, because when we come from a place of strength, we will prove it with our actions even if our words fall on deaf ears. I'm so grateful for all the women that came before us!
Let's be the change, not just as a sex, or a group, but as individuals seeking to be the best versions of ourselves. For if we shine, strong and brave, as one, imagine what we can accomplish as a nation! #marytylermoore
My inbox is overflowing with messages from you awesome ladies that weren't ready to do the Sugar Addiction and Detox group in December but are you asking to jump in now so I'm bringing it back by popular demand!
This month it will be a two week group with no exercise required. The first week I will be sharing about sugar addiction and how to overcome and the second week I will supply you with a week long meal plan, grocery list and recipes (easy ones because I hate cooking!). During that detox week, I can help you fine tune your health plans for the following month! This group is completely free and I'm only accepting 20 women because I want to be able to serve each of you one on one, so if you are interested email me or put your email below! This group fills up fast!
"There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness." Shannon Adler
It's important that healing and growth are the focus of our health journey because those things are attainable and necessary. When the focus shifts to becoming perfect or flawless or someone else's form of beautiful, we create an atmosphere of discouragement.
Liberate yourself from perfectionism! See your flaws in the light of your incredible worth! Find excitement in growing in strength. Stop comparing yourself to others! Stop focusing on the fact that you are flawed and broken, because we all are, and make your decisions based on the fact that you are worthy and beautiful!
This is the mental transformation that leads to physical transformation! It's from this place that we can choose self care over self loathing and grace over shame.
We are flawed but we are worthy. We are broken but we are beautiful!
I am a mother, but, the truth is, if you asked me to choose 5 words to describe myself mother wouldn't make the cut. Maybe not even the top ten! I was an individual LONG before I was a mother. I had talents, abilities, and ambitions that preceded any desire to be a mother. Motherhood was something I hoped would happen but I wasn't going to wait around for it. It was dependent on so many other factors that I never considered it a given.
Maybe this is why I struggled with my identity after I became a mom. I quit my job to be at home with Scarlett and suddenly everything I knew about myself had changed. I was very insecure in my role as mother. She wasn't a budget or a spreadsheet. Mistakes matters. Failures mattered. And EVERYONE had an opinion on what decisions I made as a mother. There were full on mommy wars going on about vaccines, circumcision, breastfeeding, organic food, daycare, and mothers who chose to work. It became so overwhelming that I opted out of facebook for a YEAR! In the midst of trying to find out what that role meant to me and what I believed about those things, I simply could not stand up under the judgement of others. It was too much!
In that blessed year of silence, I watched others in real life. Mothers who vaccinate, mothers who breastfed, mother's who work, mother's who don't and mothers who do every combination of those things. You know what I saw? Every one of those women loved her children more than life itself! There is no right way to be a mom and in every one of those situations there were reasons that support the life of the family. Some women don't enjoy breastfeeding and have a better experience bottle feeding, some families need two incomes, some children are consistently exposed to diseases and need to be vaccinated, some are allergic to vaccinations. We have to be willing to do what's best for our families and leave others free to do what's best for theirs. There simply isn't any comparison!
For me, I came to realize that I needed to work! I LOVE working! I am happier when I have something of my own and I want my daughters to see me caring for myself and making time for what brings me joy. I want to instill in them that what matters to them is important and teach them to make choices based off their needs as individuals and not based off of cultures current "normal". There will be things that all of us sacrifice to be mothers. We can't do it all but we CAN prioritize for our lives and our families and its ok if that looks different than those around you.
I sacrificed a career that I LOVED and I have no regrets and I now also sacrifice a couple of hours a day with my kids to pursue something that serves others and makes me enjoy the hours that I DO spend with my kids even more.
I was grateful to be able to be home with my daughters, but my life was missing something. I needed more adult interaction, i needed a creative outlet and I needed to put my talents to use to feel excited about life again. I loved being home with my kids, but I was wilting! As an introvert, having a job was good for me. it stretched me and pushed me outside my comfort zone. It kept me grounded and comfortable socially. Being a stay at home mom had the opposite affect. I indulged my desire to hole away. I was tired and unmotivated to pursue others. There are elements of being a stay at home mom that didn't serve me.
There are a lot of reasons that I became a coach but, first and foremost, it was because I needed other people in my life that shared my interests and wanted to grow with me. I needed to find my tribe! And I have kept coaching, not for the money or the rank or the recognition, but because it's helped me grow into a person I am excited to be and I love that my daughters are getting this version of me as their example. I am a woman that delights in her family, that finds joy in her work, and is in tune with who she is as an individual! That is what I want for my daughters no matter what life holds for them. All those other little decisions that we make as moms, we can fit around those priorities!
If you are a mom and struggling to find your joy, I understand! Motherhood is one of the most wonderful but physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting things you will ever do! It's important that you take time to recharge so that you are not serving from a depleted state. Don't worry that you aren't the perfect mom, there is no such thing! But you can rest assured that there are a million ways to be a good one!
Joining a challenge group and having other women to talk to and grow with was an amazing start for me! It was healing! It helped me to carve out time and make myself a priority. My confidence and understanding of what I needed grew from that little group and, for that alone, I am forever grateful! We have a new challenge group starting soon and I would love for you to join us! Message me and we can chat about the details and if this group would be a good fit for your priorities!
Brene Brown is one of my favorite authors! Reading her books, I am constantly challenged to be true to myself, to live wholeheartedly, and to show up for my life. How many of us want things that we are simply to scared to go after? The best version of yourself is worth showing up for. The life you want is worth showing up for.
So map it out! What will it take to get there? Why do you want it? ( dig deep) Sign up for the class, learn a skill, practice, fail, and practice some more!
When I first started my health journey, I wasn't getting much sleep, I was crazy out of shape, and my nutrition was atrocious! It was uncomfortable making changes and I was exhausted. Not all my meals were perfect and not all my workouts were awesome, but I stuck with it for an entire month and watching the changes in my body and Health motivated me further. I did better the next round and each month after that! There were so many times that the voice inside my head condemned me for my failures but I had caught the vision and I pressed on.
One of the things we actively fight in our group is shame! Shame tells you that you aren't as talented, worthy or beautiful as others, it reminds you of your failures and makes you embarrassed to try or to struggle. The truth is we all fail EVERYDAY! The only difference between those who fail and those who succeed is the decision to keep going!
All skills and knowledge are learnable! So take the time to know what you want and run after it, learn about it, gain the skill! The life you want is available to you but you have to build it! #designyourlife
"And Aubrey was her name. A not so very ordinary girl or name."(Or so says David Gates ;) I'm a wife to Phillip, a mother to Scarlett and Juliet. We live in the beautiful city of Thornton, Co. I'm a recovering red bull addict. I love to read. I hate to cook. I seek to be inspired and also to inspire others. I am a Beachbody Coach on a quest to be truly healthy mind, soul, and body and challenge others to do the same.