My daughter woke up begging for Chik-fil-a this evening so I tried my hand at it here at home! It turned out great so I thought I would share!
You will need.
I spent a lot of years hiding. It didn't start out that way. I remember feeling free and excited about life but as I went through my teenage years and early adulthood, negative people came into my life. I got judged, I got hurt. I took on the weight of others approval like it was my responsibility. I look around the world at what others were saying was worthy and beautiful and saw that I wasn't those things.
My perspective shifted from all the amazing things I could do with my life and body and instead I was just full of shame for not being enough. So I hid. I watered myself down. I tried to make everybody happy. I tried to find my worth in being valued by others. I had it all wrong. There will always be people that disagree with you, that are hateful even. Your job as a human being isn't to make everyone happy, it's to be fully YOU. The light and creativity that you have will serve and inspire others. Being willing to be authentic and vulnerable, sharing who you truly are will make some people walk out of your life but they are the people that don't belong there. When you are shining brightly and pursuing your talents, than you will attract others that share your passions and those are people with which you can truly connect!
I was so afraid to see the mass exodus that I didn't shine and I felt shame. Shame for not not being enough and shame for hiding. It's funny, it was never about other people seeing my worth. The moment I decided to be ME, I saw my own! The very act of being vulnerable made me feel beautiful because that's what I see as beautiful in others. Once I could be seen, my fellow weirdos found me! We only have one life, let's not spend it hiding! Ive learned that the feeling of shame is a warning for me now. When I get that emotion, I know I have a choice. Believe the lie that I am not worthy, or reject it and move on. It takes awhile to walk through it at first but it will serve you greatly! Ladies, you are already beautiful and worthy! Be aware of your thoughts. Notice when you start to think negatively about yourself or your body. Reject those thoughts. Remind yourself of the truth and step outside your comfort zone and share your struggles with people you can trust. Shame makes us feel alone in our struggles, but, I promise, it's all of us!
You are more important. It's something I say to my daughters when they break something important to me or spill something on the carpet. It's my way of letting them know that NO thing will ever matter more than they do. It's also a good reminder for myself in those moments when I want to cry over the loss of something that was precious to me, because nothing will ever be more important than my daughters. It's all about perspective.
The other day, my daughter Scarlett disobeyed and because she did, she broke a glass. With eyes full of tears, she asked for forgiveness which I gave her but I didn't say the usual phrase. wiping her eyes she asked, " Am I more important, mama?"
Ladies, we have to train ourselves this way too. I heard a quote by Courtney Martin recently that said, "We are a generation of young women who were told we could do anything and instead heard that we had to be everything.” If you have not heard this before, let me be the first to say, you do not have to be everything! You cannot be everything! We are a generation obsessed with perfection and that is unattainable. it makes us feel that we are unworthy, ugly, and less than others. It makes us catty, mean, unkind,and defensive. It disconnects us from others. It makes other women the enemy.
We are believing the lie that we are not important unless we are successful in the eyes of everyone. We need to be perfect wives, mothers and business women( with perfect bodies and bank accounts )that can throw elaborate pinterest parties with gourmet food! I don't know about you but even writing that stressed me out!
Something that Brene Brown expressed in her book Daring Greatly is that our mission in life is to pursue the things that bring us joy and be examples of fulfilled human beings. The way we change things is by being the example. The way we teach our kids is by being the example. We have to be willing to live wholehearted lives, willing to own up to our weaknesses and celebrate our strengths so that shame has no place in our lives.
As a fitness coach, I see shame hinder people everyday. One mistake and they are embarrassed and ready to throw in the towel. It's hard to live out loud. It's hard to let people see your weaknesses, but the truth it's a universal problem. We all fail everyday. The way we show ourselves that we are more important is by admitting our mistakes, accepting our flaws, and celebrating our strengths. When shame comes knocking, slam the door in its face. You are more important than a missed work out or a greasy meal. You are more important than a missed doctors appointment or the bag of groceries you left at the store. You are more important than the car you dented ( or even totaled)! It's time you started treating yourself like something that cannot be replaced. Yes, I believe exercising and eating well is important. I think practicing those disciplines trains you to see your worth, but you must also think true thoughts and speak truth to yourself. It takes practice. You have to catch yourself in negative patterns and choose to break them but over time you CAN change your perspective! When those moments arise ask yourself," Am I more important than_________?
If this is a struggle for you and you need some accountability, we would love to have you join our next challenge group! Yes, we are exercising and focus on nutrition but we are also learning to have grace for ourselves and see our worth. If shame is weighing you down, come live out loud with us!
It's true that we often begin to understand ourselves after we have already caused damage. For some maybe that is physically gaining weight, or bad habits that caused a preventable disease, or maybe, like me, the damage was internal. I spent almost two decades teetering on the brink of an eating disorder. Things may have looked ok on the outside but inside I was gripped with fear and shame. I picked myself to pieces and I deprived my body of nutrients. I did damage to my mind and body. I was emotionally scarred and mentally unstable when it came to my body image. I was literally one of those girls that thought I was fat at 120 pounds.
Though I like this quote, I am not a fan of the word "fixing". I prefer "rebuilding". I tore myself down but in the process of seeing I needed help and taking the steps to rebuild and cement each brick with truth, I came to know myself fully. Truly caring for myself with a focus on health has transformed my life from the inside out. Acting on the truth has helped me to believe it. It has given me a voice and the courage to speak.
If you are looking around your life and seeing destruction, be hopeful! when all is stripped to the foundation, you have a surface to rebuild and to do it well! For me, it was a journey of crushing shame and seeing my worth. If shame and unattainable beauty standards are weighing heavily upon you, I would love for you to be part of our "Not Ashamed" Challenge Group that is starting now. Fitness, nutrition, and self care do not need to be a form of torture put upon you as punishment for your imperfection but instead it can be a great privilege and joy to invest in your future self. I also love the quote by Rosa Luxemburg. " Those who do not move, do not notice their chains." I truly didn't realize how miserable I was until I started doing something that revealed my chains. Sometimes even realizing you are unhappy is a great gift! In our group, each of our journey's has been different, but as we move together, we are able to cast off our chains! Move with us!
Several times in the last few weeks I have had people tell me they find me intimidating and its been bothering me! I've asked a lot of questions as I have tried to get to the root of it and today as I was reading some personal development, the answer surfaced.
I've shared before that I am a perfectionist, but it goes much deeper than that. I am a perfectionist because I've spent my life trying to look perfect. With every judgement that would get placed upon me from others, I would try to change, morph, and eventually hide the parts of myself that others deemed incorrect. I tried to take on pleasing everyone and slowly over time just grew silent because I can't. As someone that has been judged and hurt, I am very empathetic and find it very easy to talk to and minister to people that are feeling that way and, yet, I don't reciprocate. I struggle to share my weaknesses, to let people in and see my mess, but make no mistake, there is a GIANT mess.
I get anxious practicing hospitality. Its a lot harder to hide my imperfections when people come to my home! Ive blamed it on my lack of culinary skills but it doesn't take a lot of effort to order pizza, does it? To invite people to my home means that they will see the hand prints and crayon on the wall that I wasn't able to remove. They will probably see piles of laundry or the fact I care nothing about decorating my house. I'd rather be comfortable than dressy. I prefer not to wear make-up. I'm not organized. I hate to cook. I prefer a glass of wine and a deep conversation to any group activity.
I make people uncomfortable. Ive learned in my life that less of me is more. Except it isn't! The only thing that hiding has done has made me less visible to those that would understand and made me appear "perfect" to those watching my highlight reel. The last three years have been some of the hardest I have lived and I was too beat up from judgement to let anyone in.
Ive been learning that you can't hide from others judgement but you don't have to accept it either. Becoming a coach was single handedly the best thing I could have done for myself! It has forced me to put myself out there, to truly connect with people, and to dive back into personal development. When I first started, I literally thought I was going to be sick after I would post something personal. Even just bracing myself for others disapproving of Beachbody physically made me ill. I waited but it didn't come. I was either met with support or silence and both of those allowed me to grow in my ability to be more vulnerable. You all have played a role in helping me heal and learning to cast aside others judgement.
Brene Brown said, " Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy." I have found this to be true. In our challenge group, we are free to be honest. We are free to empathize because we are all in the same boat. I think fitness and nutrition is very important to adding life to our days but demolishing shame is the most important thing that happens in those 21 days. If I look like I have it all together, I don't. We all get tempted to believe the lie that we are the only one failing at life. The great secret is that all of success is simply improving one failure at a time!
"And Aubrey was her name. A not so very ordinary girl or name."(Or so says David Gates ;) I'm a wife to Phillip, a mother to Scarlett and Juliet. We live in the beautiful city of Thornton, Co. I'm a recovering red bull addict. I love to read. I hate to cook. I seek to be inspired and also to inspire others. I am a Beachbody Coach on a quest to be truly healthy mind, soul, and body and challenge others to do the same.