To All The Mothers

I am a mother, but, the truth is, if you asked me to choose 5 words to describe myself mother wouldn't make the cut. Maybe not even the top ten! I was an individual LONG before I was a mother. I had talents, abilities, and ambitions that preceded any desire to be a mother. Motherhood was something I hoped would happen but I wasn't going to wait around for it. It was dependent on so many other factors that I never considered it a given.
Maybe this is why I struggled with my identity after I became a mom. I quit my job to be at home with Scarlett and suddenly everything I knew about myself had changed. I was very insecure in my role as mother. She wasn't a budget or a spreadsheet. Mistakes matters. Failures mattered. And EVERYONE had an opinion on what decisions I made as a mother. There were full on mommy wars going on about vaccines, circumcision, breastfeeding, organic food, daycare, and mothers who chose to work. It became so overwhelming that I opted out of facebook for a YEAR! In the midst of trying to find out what that role meant to me and what I believed about those things, I simply could not stand up under the judgement of others. It was too much!
In that blessed year of silence, I watched others in real life. Mothers who vaccinate, mothers who breastfed, mother's who work, mother's who don't and mothers who do every combination of those things. You know what I saw? Every one of those women loved her children more than life itself! There is no right way to be a mom and in every one of those situations there were reasons that support the life of the family. Some women don't enjoy breastfeeding and have a better experience bottle feeding, some families need two incomes, some children are consistently exposed to diseases and need to be vaccinated, some are allergic to vaccinations. We have to be willing to do what's best for our families and leave others free to do what's best for theirs. There simply isn't any comparison!
For me, I came to realize that I needed to work! I LOVE working! I am happier when I have something of my own and I want my daughters to see me caring for myself and making time for what brings me joy. I want to instill in them that what matters to them is important and teach them to make choices based off their needs as individuals and not based off of cultures current "normal". There will be things that all of us sacrifice to be mothers. We can't do it all but we CAN prioritize for our lives and our families and its ok if that looks different than those around you.
I sacrificed a career that I LOVED and I have no regrets and I now also sacrifice a couple of hours a day with my kids to pursue something that serves others and makes me enjoy the hours that I DO spend with my kids even more.
I was grateful to be able to be home with my daughters, but my life was missing something. I needed more adult interaction, i needed a creative outlet and I needed to put my talents to use to feel excited about life again. I loved being home with my kids, but I was wilting! As an introvert, having a job was good for me. it stretched me and pushed me outside my comfort zone. It kept me grounded and comfortable socially. Being a stay at home mom had the opposite affect. I indulged my desire to hole away. I was tired and unmotivated to pursue others. There are elements of being a stay at home mom that didn't serve me.
There are a lot of reasons that I became a coach but, first and foremost, it was because I needed other people in my life that shared my interests and wanted to grow with me. I needed to find my tribe! And I have kept coaching, not for the money or the rank or the recognition, but because it's helped me grow into a person I am excited to be and I love that my daughters are getting this version of me as their example. I am a woman that delights in her family, that finds joy in her work, and is in tune with who she is as an individual! That is what I want for my daughters no matter what life holds for them. All those other little decisions that we make as moms, we can fit around those priorities!
If you are a mom and struggling to find your joy, I understand! Motherhood is one of the most wonderful but physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting things you will ever do! It's important that you take time to recharge so that you are not serving from a depleted state. Don't worry that you aren't the perfect mom, there is no such thing! But you can rest assured that there are a million ways to be a good one!
Joining a challenge group and having other women to talk to and grow with was an amazing start for me! It was healing! It helped me to carve out time and make myself a priority. My confidence and understanding of what I needed grew from that little group and, for that alone, I am forever grateful! We have a new challenge group starting soon and I would love for you to join us! Message me and we can chat about the details and if this group would be a good fit for your priorities!