Phillip and I have been married 10 years today and every word of this quote is true! lol We have some amazing fun years and then we have had years where we have painfully fought for each other, learned about one another and accepted each other all over again. It hasn't been ten years of uninterrupted marital bliss but it has been the relationship that has grown me more than any other in my life!
In marriage there are these moments when you are looking at your spouse and you realize you are both thinking, " How did we get here?" Life is hard, emotions are high, and neither of you can fully communicate your perspective or can't see the others side.
It's in those moments that the tenacity comes in and you simply choose each other again even when you have no idea how you will make it past that issue or that moment in time.
I stand here, still married to Phillip, because every time we hit the tough places we have BOTH chosen love, trust, partnership, tolerance, or tenacity, whatever the circumstances required, over our pride. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it!
Part of our success is that we have fought through these battles with ourselves first. We cannot expect to gain love, trust, respect, tenacity, and tolerance from another person if we can't even give those things to ourselves. When we put all our needs on another fallible sinful person, we are going to get crush beneath the weight of disappointment. Our spouse cannot love us perfectly anymore than we can love them perfectly.
I've been a Christian most of my life. I saw the evil in my heart and understood my need for forgiveness. I believed that my heart could be changed, but in all that, my whole life, I didn't see my worth. I was always trying to make up for what I felt I lacked. My failures devastated me! It wasn't long before I was more concerned with what people saw than I was about what was truly there because I felt so unworthy and so fearful of being judged.
I brought THAT into my marriage. Let me tell you, it's exhausting and you can't keep it up! While Phillip and I have fought for our relationship, that mentality made me insecure. I started to feel shame for doing anything for myself. I lived in a constant state of hustling for my worth and there was nothing he could do to help me. It was a battle I had to fight for myself.
He did serve me though! He saw I needed a change. He saw I wasn't caring for myself and he pushed me to make time for that. He couldn't make me see my worth but he encouraged me to create an environment where I could heal!
And healing is what took place! The most beautiful thing happened! The moment that I decided I wanted to heal, doors started opening! An acquaintance started a book club and I stepped outside my comfort zone and went, I fell in love with reading again and made time for that in my life. I realized how unhappy I was with my body and a friend reached out and shared this amazing program and what was working for her and through it I began truly caring for my body and my heart changed! One day I looked into the mirror and saw what was really there! A beautiful worthy soul with a heart full of purpose!
My worth didn't change. My perspective changed. In those moments I chose to love and trust myself. I chose to be my own partner, I chose tolerance in my weak moments and chose to keep going when I failed. It's a perspective that I know saved my marriage! It also saved my life, maybe not in the physical sense but I am no longer living to be numb, filling my emotions with food, and distracting myself with work and entertainment. I'm not wasting my life because I am afraid to fail. I'm failing all over the place and growing like wildflowers and its a messy beautiful life!
October 26, 2007 was one of the best days of my life! It was the first day we said yes to each other as husband and wife! What I didn't know was how broken we were as individuals, how marriage would reveal that, and how this partnership of souls would lead to healing!
We believe a lot of lies in our culture. We believe we aren't whole without a romantic relationship. We believe that we aren't in one because we aren't worthy. We believe that the one we are in isn't the real thing because we don't feel the same way about that person anymore. We believe we can fill the void with things or experiences, or other people. We think if we do enough, or say enough, or look a certain way, we can inspire people to love us.
What I have learned in my 38 years is this: If you are currently unhappy, you have to look inward. That feeling you are chasing cannot be gained. Joy is something that pours out of heart that is grateful and at peace. I have witnessed this joy in people that have lost EVERYTHING. It can't be acquired, it's something that is grown.
A marriage is made of of two people and you can't control your spouse ( believe me, I've tried 😂) There are no guarantees in relationships but in my experience when I was struggling and I saw Phillip choose growth, I was encouraged to grow. And when he was struggling and he saw me choosing growth, he was also encouraged to grow. We've been climbing a steep cliff and reaching down to give each other a hand as we climb but that relationship means choosing to keep getting stronger and climbing each day.
That's why I show up here every day, because I want that for YOU! My marriage, my health, my self perspective, my body, my entire life improved when I saw myself for what I was, a child of God full of purpose, on a mission and created to reach my highest potential!
The same is true of YOU! Be willing to show up and build love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity in your own life, they will serve you well! 💗
Happy Anniversary Phillip Reel! I'm so grateful for the life we've built and the people we've become through it all! I still choose you a million times over! 😘
"And Aubrey was her name. A not so very ordinary girl or name."(Or so says David Gates ;) I'm a wife to Phillip, a mother to Scarlett and Juliet. We live in the beautiful city of Thornton, Co. I'm a recovering red bull addict. I love to read. I hate to cook. I seek to be inspired and also to inspire others. I am a Beachbody Coach on a quest to be truly healthy mind, soul, and body and challenge others to do the same.